“When should we quit attempting to grow our family?” Some couples trying to conceive decide to either take a break or to stop trying to have children. I’ve thought about at what point my husband and I might say “we’re done.” Let me tell you about three modern-day women who have helped to shape my perspective on this topic.

Lynette Lewis shared many years ago that she wasn’t giving up on having babies, but she was moving on. (Meaning that she wasn’t going to focus solely on becoming a mom, instead she was going to focus on pursuing other dreams.) Three years after writing that post, when they least expected it, she and her husband were blessed with beautiful newborn twins.

Rhonda Rundberg Birchard wrote an article for Today’s Christian Woman called Death of a Dream, and I have quoted her words over and over again. (Hey Rhonda, if you read this, I’d love to hear from you!) She made two very powerful statements in her article that I’ll share now.

First she says, “We know adoption may be the route we need to go in order to have a family. We aren’t opposed to adoption; we’re just still dealing with the fact that our first dream, to have our own child, is dying. Sometimes you need to heal from the loss of one dream before you can create a new one.” (Adoption isn’t the path we’re taking at this time, and my husband and I trust that if it’s the route the Lord has for us that He will guide the way.)

She wraps up her article by saying words that have echoed in my heart for years, “I know the Lord will provide a child for us. I don’t know how and I don’t know when. But I know that he is with us and that he is our God.” One day I discovered another online article about this couple, and it looks like they have now become parents through adoption. Like Rhonda, I choose to trust that God will somehow provide children for us, even if it’s not how we initially expect.

Sara Hagerty wrote a book called Every Bitter Thing is Sweet. She chronicled her infertility and adoption journey. It was after she and her husband had adopted four precious children from Africa, more than a decade into infertility, she was blessed with a positive pregnancy test and a baby. In her book Sara writes, “I realized that if, at eighty, my body hasn’t known the healing of the Sarah who went before me those thousands of years ago, I will know that I pleased Him with a hope that kept me raw and vulnerable to His touch.” The struggle is worth it, regardless of the outcome.

Three women. Three different stories. Three women who can confirm, “YES! God DOES make the barren woman a happy mother of children!” Three women who I’m pretty sure would say that even if God does not answer with a “yes” to how or when we ask, they know that He is still good.

Some of their children came by adoption. Some came through birth. All came.

So how do we know when to quit?

First, like Sara Hagerty, let’s remember that the struggle is worth it.

Second, like Rhonda Birchard, let’s trust that God will provide, and if it’s in an unexpected way, know that God can prepare your heart for it.

Third, like Lynette Lewis, we can let go of our grip or move on to other things without fully giving up on having children. 

I’ve decided to not consider giving up on my dream of motherhood until I’m 51. I hope I become a mom before then, but that’s 16 more years before I say “I quit.” I’m only 6 years into what I expect will be a victorious  battle with “infertility.” I can do it. (Why did I pick that age? Here’s my inspiration.)

Ultimately, Mike and I want to follow God’s leading and quit only when God says it’s over.

And friends, you’re going to make it through your wait, no matter how or when your prayers are answered.

Have you read this post? This is How We’re Going to Become Parents