Not long before Mike asked me out on our first date, I seriously considered becoming a foster parent. In my late twenties, after several attempted dating fails, finding a husband obviously wasn’t happening like I’d hoped, and my desire to be a mom was strong. (My desire for marriage was very strong as well – but you can’t force a man to marry you! However, you CAN pursue parenthood alone.)

Well, I got married and did not become a foster parent, but over the years I’ve known single women to pursue adoption alone, and my heart understands. In the past couple of years I’ve learned of more than one single Christian woman pursuing motherhood through pregnancy – and their stories have absolutely fascinated me. Since I’m nearly 36 and still trying to conceive, I very much understand that desire to become a mama.

I met Sarah several years ago at a book club hosted by mutual friends. Turned out she lived up the street from me, but she was about to move out of state and so were we. We have kept in touch through Facebook, and last year when she posted that she was pregnant, it caught my attention!

Today I’m inviting Sarah to tell her story.

I don’t often get really personal on Facebook, or write long posts, but today I want to.

It’s about my fertility and my faith and my little family of two.

In September 2014 I went to my reproductive medicine appointment with two good friends in tow to get knocked up. So you could call it my insemiversary. (No, really, people actually do call it that.)

Five years ago I don’t think I would have considered becoming a single mom via anonymous sperm donor. It would have sounded insane. It would have sounded very un-Christian to me, whatever that means. And I care deeply about my Christian faith. But life is funny like that. I believe God provided me with the inspiration to find creative ways to start my family. At the very least, God never told me “No”. And I asked. Frequently. I begged Him at every step toward The Day, to flash the neon sign telling me to stop and turn around, if that was His will. But the doors kept opening for me.

A lot of prayer and research went into this decision and the year prior had been a very difficult one as I weighed the pros and cons, grieved the dream, did lots of research, shed gallons of tears, and listened to stories from women who had made that decision before me and had either achieved success or were still trying to get pregnant or adopt. I did my fertility testing and was told that at age 36 my fertility was like that of any average 42-year-old and that if I wanted to try to get pregnant I needed to do it within the next 2 years. So I decided to move forward in a creative way. Adoption was always an option, but I really wanted to try to get pregnant if I could.

I am immensely grateful for the love and support of friends and family all across the country. And I found support and community through the national and local Single Mothers by Choice organization. (The name sounds a bit odd… most of us aren’t choosing single motherhood over partnered motherhood, but we found ourselves single and wanting/needing to start our families.) I have shared a lot of wonderful moments on Facebook now that I have this amazing, precious little girl. But it has been a difficult journey. There have been dark days. I’ve never cried so hard from the pit of my soul as I have in the past 2 years, struggling with the possibility of never getting married, never having a family, and accept the idea of doing it on my own. I had to work through that. I’ve been rejected by a few friends because of my choice. I’ve had friends and family discount my own personal spiritual journey for their route warning “it’s not God’s will”. I’ve felt guilty that I was able to get pregnant on the first try (with help from the fertility doctor and meds), while friends and family have struggled through years of trying. Pregnancy was very lonely at times, despite having very caring friends and family nearby. And I still cry sometimes when I wonder if I will ever be able to find a daddy for Eleanor. But even if it remains just the two of us, we’ll be just fine.

And when people now tell me that I am brave, that I am strong, I know that it is because of my faith that I am able to raise this precious little child. My strength is in God. (And I’m also super grateful that Eleanor is an “easy” baby.) I am so grateful across the board. And my gratefulness brings me to tears often.

Eleanor means “shining light”. And she is indeed the light of my life. And I’m grateful for all the kindness that has been extended to us – hundreds of people from every corner of my life who have sent a little blue ‘thumbs up’ across the Interwebs.

-Sarah

Sarah & baby Eleanor, photo used with Sarah’s permission test.hopeduringinfertility.com

I wanted to share Sarah’s story because I think it’s amazing, and because there are so many women who feel like motherhood is something they won’t get to experience. Your situation is not as hopeless as it may sometimes feel. In Embracing Hope During Infertility I share about a woman who married after 40 and was blessed with twin daughters after 50. I also tell the story of a newly married woman who had a baby in her 40s without medical help after the doctors told her she would have to use a donor egg. These stories of hope are all around!

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Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008. I published my first book Embracing Hope During Infertility in January 2015. You can learn more about me here. I invite you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. Thanks so much for rea!