During the first week of January, a notification repeatedly popped up on my phone’s calendar, and I continued to push it back to another day. Last summer, when I found out that I was pregnant with our son, it delighted me to learn of other “pregnancy buddies.” And then I was saddened when I began hearing of miscarriages. These babies had gone to Heaven way too soon, in my opinion. There was a friend I have loved following on social media who had a traumatic miscarriage. My heart ached for another friend who had an ectopic pregnancy loss. Then I learned of another friend whose baby was due just a few weeks after ours. There were two more, some of these real-life friends and others I only know through social media. My heart ached for each of them. The day after I announced our pregnancy online, I wrote a post referencing Romans 12:15: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.”

As our pregnancy progressed, I learned about more and more friends expecting a baby within a few weeks of our due date. It was fun anticipating our new babies, praying for one another, and sharing in the joy.

January arrived, and my pregnancy buddies have recently given birth or will have their babies soon. However, my tears flow and my heart aches these days, just weeks after the stillbirth of our son. Our much-loved son was stillborn into the arms of Jesus, and I sure do miss him.

I started writing this post right around the time we learned that our baby no longer had a heartbeat, and it seems right to go ahead and share this one piece of advice with you. When a friend or family member’s baby dies in the womb – whether it’s an early miscarriage or late stillbirth – make sure you find out the specific date or at least the month when the baby was due. Write it on your calendar or make a note in the electronic calendar on your phone. When that day or month approaches, send a card or a message, or somehow acknowledge to the mother that you remember.

While you’re making notes on your calendar, go ahead and set a reminder for the first anniversary of the loss, because the mama will very likely look back with tears the following year, thinking “one year ago, my baby went to Heaven.” You can comfort your friend by acknowledging the loss.

It can be hard to know how to encourage or support a friend whose baby has died. I’m learning a lot firsthand these days, and I will be sharing more resources here soon. But a simple starting point is this: show your friend or family member that you care by remembering and acknowledging the due date as well as the anniversary of the loss. Your friend will know that her baby is not forgotten, and neither is she.

Heart Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash