Our Story

I spent the first 27 years of my life searching the world for my husband. Okay, maybe not all of those years, but definitely the last several!

At the beginning of 2008, not long after my 28^th birthday, Mike and I began dating. Six months later we were engaged. Four months later we were married. A year and a half after our wedding day, we officially began trying to start our family.

When pregnancy didn’t happen within the first several months, I was sad. Six months in, I remember a particular cycle when I was hopeful that I was pregnant, and how I felt very disappointed when I was not. I shared my heart with close friends and family in an email, and that was the beginning of writing about my infertility journey. What began with emails to close friends grew into blog posts.

About 6 months after starting to TTC, I had been charting my cycles and I had started using ovulation predictor kits to confirm that I was ovulating. I went to the doctor and mentioned that we were unsuccessful in getting pregnant, and the OB-GYN casually said “relax and drink a little red wine.” Thanks, lady.

Several months later, I changed jobs within the health insurance industry, which was a refreshing change of pace. Less stress, but still no baby.

Throughout the first few years of trying to conceive, I scoured the library and the internet to learn which healthy changes might help and I began trying things like adding supplements to my diet. As time went by, we began to exercise more and eat healthier foods. Mike and I both felt like we wanted God’s timing to determine when we had babies, and we were not quick to pursue any type of infertility treatment.

About two years into TTC, I went to the OB-GYN again, and she said “try clomid.” We weren’t comfortable with trying clomid at that time, so I never filled that prescription.

Our lives changed dramatically in the summer of 2012 when we moved from North Carolina to the Washington, DC area, where my husband went to graduate school full time and I began working full-time as a nanny.

Months later I called a local OB-GYN office to make an appointment, and the receptionist scheduled me to see the fertility specialist there. Mike went with me, and we liked this doctor. She suggested that we begin some testing with an HSG and blood work, and a semen analysis for my husband. All came back normal. The next step was to look for endometriosis. I had never heard of endometriosis, but it turns out that it runs in my family.

This OB-GYN office is not your ordinary doctor’s office or fertility clinic, but it’s just right for me. It’s a Catholic doctor’s office, with strong pro-life, pro-family ethics guiding how they do things. Because they are aligned with the Catholic church’s beliefs, they don’t prescribe birth control or recommend In-Vitro Fertilization, and they are advocates of Natural Family Planning. I’ve been going there for over three years and have been very pleased with my experience. If you’re on the Virginia side of Washington DC, I recommend Tepeyac Family Center! I’m not under the care of a Reproductive Endocrinologist like many who are TTC, but this is what’s right for us!

After our initial round of fertility tests came back clear, I had an outpatient laparoscopy to remove endometriosis. This confirmed that I had endo (which we suspected due to symptoms and family history). Unfortunately, the doctor found a large cluster of endometriosis that was close to my ovary and my ureter (an important little tube going from the kidney to the bladder). She was not comfortable with trying to remove the endo during that particular surgery, so I scheduled a second surgery two months later, in which my doctor worked with a urologist to carefully remove the endo from that area. This was a traditional abdominal surgery, which involved a 5-inch incision, two nights in the hospital, and some recovery time.

We were hopeful that I would become pregnant soon after this surgery. After a couple of months passed, we added medications to my cycles (I’ve sometimes used tamoxifen and sometimes used letrozole, both are similar to clomid). Several months later I began taking prometrium (progesterone) after ovulation to help extend my short luteal phases.

Despite our attempts of intentionally trying to become pregnant nearly every month for several years, at this point we haven’t yet had a positive pregnancy test.

I’ve written extensively in my blog posts about the emotions I felt throughout this process. Disappointment and grief hovered around me, yet through it all, God always gives me grace, and faith, and hope.

One year after my first round of surgery, I poured my heart and soul into writing the book When Infertility Books Are Not Enough: Embracing Hope During Infertility. I strongly sensed that God wanted me to share my story of having hope even before having a happy ending to my story. I’m glad I wrote this book and shared my story. (And here’s a blog post about how God encouraged me when I received yet another negative pregnancy test when the book was being published.)

In January 2016, shortly after turning 36, blood work indicated that my eggs were starting to decline. Upon hearing this news I felt very discouraged. However, I’m still in a normal range for my age, and I still believe that God is able to bring about pregnancy regardless of my age.

Not long after, some tests in February showed that I had polyps in my uterus. My doctor wanted to remove them surgically. We had been considering another laparoscopy for endo, so in March I had a lap to remove endo and a D&C to remove polyps, all at once. Thankfully I have recovered well from these procedures, and within a couple of weeks I felt pretty healthy.

As I write this in April, my husband and I are still hopeful and prayerful that one day soon we’ll have a pregnancy to celebrate and children to nurture, love, and raise to adulthood. We believe that God has a unique timing, and even though we might not have chosen it to be this way, we’ve repeatedly seen His goodness and His blessing throughout this process. We know that our future babies will be a result of God saying YES, not because of what we do or do not do.

I would encourage everyone struggling with infertility to turn toward God and let Him encourage you throughout your journey. You are not alone, even though it may feel that way. I would also recommend to anyone struggling to conceive to think and pray long and hard about your options before jumping quickly into fertility treatments. Many dealing with infertility do not find a quick-fix, and learning to trust in God through long hard waits is actually really good for us!

Oh, and if you’re thinking “why don’t they just adopt?” here’s my answer to that question.

My full story of the first five years of our infertility journey is available through online booksellers, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Books-A-Million. The book tells a much more in-depth version of our story, and it’s a story of hope for anyone waiting for God to answer their prayers. I’d be honored for you to read it and let me know what you think!

Please keep following me through Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, because I anticipate writing more books, and I also expect that one day we will have happy baby news to share!

Timeline:

11/08: Married

05/10: Began TTC

12/10: Blood work was fine

08/12: Moved to D.C.

02/13: New doctor & testing begins

04/13: Laparoscopy

06/13: Traditional surgery

08/13: Meds

01/15: Published infertility book

12/15: I turned 36

01/16: Eggs declining

02/16: Uterine polyps found

03/16: Laparoscopy and D&C

04/16: Wrote this blog post

Thanks to Caroline from In Due Time for initiating this blog link-up during National Infertility Awareness Week. The 2016 theme is #StartAsking and you can read my post on that topic here. (We should start asking how to bridge the gap between adult women who have children and those who don’t!)

More About Betsy

Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008. We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot, eating at our favorite Italian restaurants, and doing life as a team.

I published my first book Embracing Hope During Infertility in January 2015. You can learn more about me here. I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page.

Thanks so much for reading my posts!