I know I’m not the only infertility blogger who wished that she could wrap up the year with a pregnancy announcement, or watch her family unwrap the announcement at Christmas. I’ve been dreaming of that since 2010 (if not before) and now, as another year begins, I continue to write about a subject I wish I was long done with: this struggle to conceive.

We’re one of many couples (1 in 8) who for reasons known or unknown, are yet unable to bear children. As I write from a faith perspective, as I live my life from a faith perspective, I continue to wonder why God is writing my life story the way that He is. Why no children yet, Lord? I don’t have clear answers, yet I do have lots of thoughts to share here.

I turned 37 between Christmas and New Year’s Day, and I’m aware that my biological clock is ticking. My husband is older than I am, and we would have liked to start our family much sooner. We’ve had a lot of medical intervention, tests show that our bodies should be working fine, and for some reason, we’re still childless. As I ponder my New Year’s resolutions, once again I hope that this is the year I become pregnant.

Over New Year’s weekend I rented the new animated movie Storks. I had seen the previews, and the images of flocks of birds bringing babies to parents certainly caught my attention. After watching the movie, (spoiler alert, maybe!) I wondered if this children’s movie intentionally had ties to infertility, because I was certainly touched by the scene where the storks carry babies to those families who “never got the baby they asked for…” I started googling, and discovered that the writer and his wife had struggled to conceive, and sure enough, it was a theme that inspired the story. I liked the movie, and my prayer is that God will open up the heavens with a surge of miracle babies this year – for me and for so many people that I am praying for. Can babies be poured out of Heaven this year, God? I’d love that!

As I was reading opinion articles about Storks, the rabbit trail of articles led me to the Catholic church’s theology of infertility (I appreciate that a church has an official statement of faith about infertility!) and one of the scriptures they referred to was from Job. It caught my eye as a good scripture to kick off this New Year.

Job, one who experienced and represents trials and loss, asked a wise question: “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” Job 2:10 (NIV)

I’m living in the tension between believing that God CAN and likely WILL give us children AND the understanding that His ways are not my ways, His timing that seems exceptionally slow is actually right on time, and knowing that this hardship is making me stronger.

Should I only accept good from God, or when He allows struggle and difficulty in our lives, should I still trust Him? I know without a doubt that God is able to give Mike and me children. I feel pretty confident that one day He will answer. I don’t like the timing so far. I don’t like the idea of being considerably older parents. I don’t like constant struggle for hope, and the constant struggle trying to convince my body that it should get pregnant. However, without a doubt, I know that God loves me deeply. These years of infertility have convinced me that even when circumstances say otherwise, He is for me. He’s in the details. He doesn’t miss a thing. He has a good and perfect plan for my children. He is faithful, and He is able to finish the process in my body that He started in my heart.

Are the “good gifts” (like babies) the only thing I should expect to receive from God? Or can I trust that He sometimes allows adversity and that He is working it all out for good in the big picture? My sister-in-law’s brother is currently being held unjustly in a prison in a foreign land (more about that here) – and hearing regular updates of this situation has reminded me that tremendous suffering happens, and God actually uses suffering for His glory. Infertility is a form of suffering – anyone who has walked in those shoes knows without a doubt the grief it brings. However, I want to kick off 2017 with a deep understanding that God has a purpose in my pain.

After I began putting these thoughts down on paper, a friend who is contending for her own miracle babies told me to go check out Genesis 20:17. She has looked it up out of curiosity to see if chapter 20 verse 17 had any significance for year 2017. I’ve pondered this verse all week:

“Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelek, his wife and his female slaves so they could have children again…” Genesis 20:17 (NIV)

Like all scripture, there’s more to that story, but that particular 2017 verse reminded me that God is in the details and He hasn’t quit speaking hope to my situation – or yours. My prayer is that as I walk through both the trials and the joys set before me, that I will turn my eyes to the Creator with a prayer that this will be the time that He will allow you, and me, and every longing couple, to have more children.

If you live in the Northern Virginia or D.C. area and are interested in joining a Christian infertility support group, please contact me by commenting, Facebook message, or email betsyhermanauthor at gmail.com.

Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008. We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot, eating at our favorite Italian restaurants, and doing life as a team.

I published my first book Embracing Hope During Infertility in January 2015, and my second Seasons: A Picture Book was published in November 2016. Although this book is intended for children, if you’re still in a barren season like I am, I think that Seasons will encourage you with a glimpse of God’s goodness.  

I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page and my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. I occasionally tweet as well.

Thanks so much for reading my posts!