One of my greatest dreams in my thirty-seven years of life has always been to be a wife and mom. (My mom was a wonderful kid-loving stay-at-home-mom and that’s what I’ve always wanted too!)

Back when my husband and I started “trying” to have children seven years ago, I had only known a handful of couples who couldn’t have children, but they were older than me, and it wasn’t something we discussed. It seemed as if most of my peers and family members got pregnant right away – or even before they were officially trying to have babies. I expected that would happen for me.

I didn’t know that there was a National Infertility Awareness Week. I knew about clomid and in-vitro fertilization, and I knew people who had adopted when they couldn’t have biological children, but I hadn’t thought much about infertility.

Like the woman in the Bible who spent all her money on doctors but still wasn’t healed, we have spent a lot of money on medical bills in the past several years. (Before this we were pretty healthy!) Thankfully, everything changed when that woman in the Bible reached out to Jesus. Likewise, we continue to ask God for breakthrough, knowing that He is the one who can and will change everything. (This is how we’re going to become parents!) Although we’ve tried a lot of things en route to building our family (here’s a summary), we’re still hoping for breakthrough.

In the meantime, even though researching medical options, going to medical appointments, being aware of my body’s cycles, and reading infertility books takes up a lot of my time, infertility doesn’t have to take over my life.

Even though there are times where the grief of our childlessness feels overwhelming, and even though I miss our children that haven’t arrived yet, I have learned to choose joy by finding God’s goodness in the barren places. Psalm 27:13 (NKJV) says, “I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

I’ve been pondering that scripture lately and, with lots of encouragement from my husband, I’ve been intentionally looking for the good God is doing. Even in the places where we lack – our barren womb, or when at times we lack finances, or peace, or rest – even there, God is doing something good. It’s like finding flowers growing out of a crack in the sidewalk – even in such a place, good is happening. Will I pause to see it?

In our seven years of infertility, I have chosen to pursue other dreams. Years ago, I knew that one day I wanted to be home with children, and that I could be a childcare provider while staying home with my own children. Several years ago, I took a step in that direction by leaving the corporate world to become a nanny. From Monday through Friday I experience the joy of “staying home” with someone else’s four children. My days are full of hard work, potty training, homework, drama, and lots of hugs. Even though I don’t have my own children, I am blessed to be able to spend a lot of time with someone else’s.

Over the years as I settled into life as an adult, I remembered how much I dreamed of being a writer when I grew up. For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to write books. When I was thirty-four, I finished writing a memoir of sorts, a book about the hope I’ve found during infertility, and I was determined that if I wasn’t able to have a baby by my thirty-fifth birthday, then I was going to have a book. I published When Infertility Books Are Not Enough: Embracing Hope During Infertility that winter, feeling both terrified and honored to openly share our infertility story. I wrote that book because I wanted readers to be infused with hope, and because I had a lifelong dream of writing books.

I believe that we were created in the image of a Creator God, and therefore we as humans are intended to be creative! Some of my peers use all their creative energy to grow babies in their wombs, nursing them through the night, and pouring their lives into raising children. As women experiencing infertility, you and I still have an opportunity to create, and to pursue a dream. While my dream of motherhood has yet to come true, I’ve learned that in the meantime I can love the children that are in my life, and I can creatively give birth to books.

What does that look like for you? Should you be writing, or painting, or baking, or decorating? Don’t let infertility take over all your time, your emotions, your dreams, and your creativity. I’ll be the first to admit that infertility sucks, in fact it sucks away our emotions, energy, and finances. Yet I’ll also be quick to say that because I don’t have children, I can pour the energy that I do have elsewhere, finding the good, and living a full life. We haven’t given up on the idea of being parents, but while we wait, we want to thrive. Listen up, you can too!

I’m sharing this as we kick off National Infertility Awareness Week in 2017. Resolve, the National Infertility Association, hopes to spread the word about the following:

• Infertility is a disease that affects 1 in 8 couples of reproductive age
• Anyone who struggles to build a family deserves a voice
• There are many ways to build a family
• Let’s help reduce the stigma by bringing attention to the details/issues/costs surrounding all ways people diagnosed with infertility can build a family.
• Understand when to seek the help of a specialist
• Inspire others

For more information, see infertilityawareness.org/ and www.resolve.org/.

Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008. We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot, eating pizza and ice cream, and doing life as a team.

I write because I feel called and I enjoy it, and I hope that my words point you toward God! My first book, Embracing Hope During Infertility is intended to infuse hope into your heart! My second book, although written for children, will point you toward the goodness of God, even in the darkest times.

You can learn more about me here. I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. I’m also on Instagram and Twitter as @lovethatbetsy.

Thanks so much for reading this post!