Trigger warning: this post discusses pregnancy after infertility

While vacationing with family recently, my sister-in-law asked me some great questions. I hope she keeps asking me questions to provide ideas for blog posts! She had her first baby a few weeks after I discovered that I was pregnant. I was grateful to overlap with her as pregnant women, and I am tremendously grateful that she was aware and thoughtful toward me regarding my sensitivity to her being pregnant while I was not.

Is it still hard when others announce pregnancies, even though you’re pregnant and not dealing with infertility now? When a couple at our church made a pregnancy announcement a few weeks ago, I whispered to my husband “I don’t have to cry this time!” So the answer to that question is thankfully NO, it’s not like it used to be. I love babies and I’m a fan of people growing their families, so for the past 7 years, my emotions were very mixed with every pregnancy announcement I heard. Happy for them, sad for me. Sometimes, when I knew the others were struggling to grow their families, I would simply feel happy for them. Sometimes, when people closest to me would announce a baby on the way, I would feel really sad for me and have to work up to the happy-for-them feelings. Sometimes, when I was blindsided by announcements, it was also a struggle to feel happy. I’m forever grateful for those who gently announced pregnancies to me when I was unable to conceive (like I wrote about here). Since becoming pregnant, I have felt tremendous joy and happiness at every single pregnancy announcement I’ve heard! (And I’m thrilled to know about some long-awaited babies on the way!)

Have you been able to switch gears in how you “identify,” realizing that you are now a mother and no longer a woman battling infertility? I went to my OB-GYN three days after finding out I was pregnant, and the receptionist said, “Congrats, Mom!” That was really weird! As my belly has begun to grow and our news has become public, it feels more and more real that I am a mom. Something beautiful happened back in July: the very weekend I discovered that I was pregnant, the grief and sorrow and stress and worry surrounding infertility simply left. It was as if God literally turned my sorrow into joy in an instant. The greatest stress of my life was no more, and others have noted that I seem more at peace. I’m gradually embracing the title “Mom” but my grief cloud of infertility disappeared in an instant.

The Instagram infertility community is very tight, but do you think people will unfollow you now that you’re pregnant? How does that work? Is it emotionally easier or harder to be happy for someone from the infertility community once they become pregnant vs someone who never struggled to conceive? I don’t know how others will respond to my pregnancy announcement, but I can tell you how it’s worked for me! I’m not as involved on Instagram as some people are (find me on Facebook!), and I only have one IG account (it’s @lovethatbetsy). This account includes posts about my job as a nanny, my struggle with infertility, my growing belly, my family, my blog posts and books, and anything else I feel like posting about. (Some women have a separate TTC trying- to-conceive account aside from their regular account. Some writers have a writing account along with a personal account.) Over the past few years as I’ve connected with more and more in the TTC community, I have occasionally unfollowed people who become pregnant – especially if I had no relationship with them. Now that I am pregnant, I’m more curious to follow other pregnant women. Will people unfollow me because I’m pregnant? Maybe. But I understand the sensitivity to pregnant women when you struggle to become one, so it’s okay!

How do you think your experience with infertility will change the way you approach motherhood/pregnancy/parenting? This child within me was not an accident, is not a burden, is someone I dreamed of since childhood, and a life that we fought for and prayed for throughout the past 7+ years, so I don’t take it lightly! However, I’m different from other new moms because I have been a full-time nanny for over five years. This will not be the first newborn I’ve taken care of (although I’ve never done it with postpartum hormones!) I don’t know what I’ll be like as a mom, but for now, I recognize that this baby is a gift from God and intended by God. Plus I’ve had the chance to watch my friends and family members raise their children already. I’ll be 38 when this baby arrives, and I’ve learned so much from watching everyone else! I think that being older parents will give us a different perspective as parents.

How has pregnancy affected your marriage? Is it a time of healing? A new dimension? A huge strain relieved? It’s definitely a new season, but one we’re ready for after 9 years of marriage! Many couples are DONE having children 9 years into marriage! It’s wonderful to have the pressure taken off – we no longer have to worry about getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant. We no longer have to worry about the cost of fertility treatment (or tampons!) and I’m not experiencing the highs and lows of a menstrual cycle. Although pregnancy ushers in a whole new set of decisions and the opportunity to parent with my husband, we’re ready, and we’re glad to say goodbye to the stress and pressure of infertility.

Are you going to write another book? Yes! I have two books on my computer and one in my head. Finding time is a tremendous challenge because I work full-time and am involved in church activities. Energy is also a challenge with pregnancy – my mental and physical energy level during the first trimester was very low. This week I’ve entered the second trimester, and I am hopeful that as my work schedule settles down and my body gains strength that I will be able to finish writing and publishing some books. I have a short book for Christians who are thinking “I want to write a book but I’m overwhelmed at the thought of the whole process.” I hope to finish that soon. Also, I’ve nearly completed a full-length non-fiction book about finding beauty in barren seasons, filled with stories and insights of what the Psalmist calls “seeing the goodness of God in the land of the living.” Even during infertility, financial hardships, or other life struggles, God’s goodness is all around! This book reflects what God has been teaching me in the past few years. Finally, once this baby is born, I hope to write the follow-up book to Embracing Hope During Infertility. There I will share our story of having a baby despite the odds against us, and I also hope to share stories of other couples who have also struggled to have children.

If you’ve read this far, thank you! What questions would you ask a woman who is newly pregnant after 7 years of infertility?

Read more of my blog posts here.

Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008 and are expecting our first baby in 2018. We enjoy exploring cities together on foot, eating at our favorite Italian restaurants, and doing life as a team.

I published my first book Embracing Hope During Infertility in January 2015, and Seasons: A Picture Book in November 2016. Although this book is intended for children, if you’re still in a barren season like I am, I think that Seasons will encourage you with a glimpse of God’s goodness.  

I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page and my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. I occasionally tweet as well.

Thanks so much for reading my posts!