This morning I pondered Isaiah 61, a passage with beautiful descriptions of joy instead of mourning, which has been a theme woven through the past year of my life. This passage describes the righteous as “a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.” It caught my eye in reference to our own miracle baby because I think often of the scripture that says, “Hope deferred makes a heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” (Proverbs 13:12) Our miracle baby is like a tree. When I read Isaiah 61, I wondered if her life will display His splendor because she is one who has been firmly planted after years of hope deferred.

I wondered, what if she feels insecure? Yes, I have the opportunity to shape her life with the confidence that she is loved by her parents and loved by God. I realize that knowing who we are as Christians is a life-long process, one we can build on year after year, and as we face challenging circumstances and hardships.

I attend a women’s Bible study and one of the themes that keeps coming up in our discussion is our identity. There’s a lot to be said about a Christian’s identity – “knowing who we are” – but I think it’s especially important for Christian wives struggling with infertility. Our identity is often wrapped up in our job title or our accomplishments. It’s easy for me to say, “I am a nanny. I am a writer. I am a wife.” In Christian circles, when you’ve been married for a while and you can’t say, “I am a mom,” all sorts of negative things happen in your mind and emotions. If you’ve experienced infertility, you probably know what I mean.

The women in my Bible study all happen to be older than me – seasoned by life, walking with God for a long time. As my miracle baby grows within my womb, I am aware that several of the women never had the opportunity to grow a baby in their womb, some never became moms. I look at these women, ahead of me in life, and I see the importance of knowing our identity in Christ.

One woman, of retirement age, said, “I found my identity as a wife, then I ended up divorced, then I married again, and then he died. I found my identity as a mom, then my daughter grew up and became the mom, and my identity changed. I found my identity in my job, and then I retired. I found my identity in my talents, and they changed as I grew older.” Her wisdom spoke here: all of these identities may come and go, but knowing who we are as Christians can remain constant throughout our lives – and our confidence in who we are in Him can grow and grow and grow.

Are you a mom yet, or not a mom? Is the bulk of your identity wrapped up in that question? I might be a mom now that I have a baby growing inside me, and I pray that she lives a very long and healthy life, but if my identity is consumed with being a wife or a mother, those external things could change. If my confidence is built on knowing that I am a child of God, a daughter of the King of Kings, loved by my Savior, called not to just DO things (like write, or work, or be a wife and mom), but I’m called to BE a reflection of this God who loves me – well, that changes my perspective.

These “roles” are good – in fact, this blog is intended for Christian women who want to be moms. That’s a noble ambition and I will support you as you pursue it! But let’s peel away the outer things that define us, and at the core of our beings discover if our identity is rooted in Christ. Recently I shared a guest post from a woman who has been trying to conceive for 27 years, hoping against hope that she will yet become a mom. It hasn’t happened yet – but the reason I asked her to write a post on this blog is because I could see that beyond the titles of wife and mom there was a woman who knows who she is in Christ. Read her post here.

I don’t know that I have all the answers this morning about how to shift the focus of your identity, but I encourage you to be still before God, to pray, to meditate on the Bible, and to ask God to remind you of who you really are. Who does He see? Growing your roots deep in your identity in Christ is worth it, no matter your job title, your marital status, or whether someone calls you Mom. I believe that knowing who we are at the core will make all of life’s challenges better – including infertility.

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Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008, and look forward to the arrival of our first baby in 2018! We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot and doing life as a team.

I write because I feel called and I enjoy it, and I hope that my words point you toward God! My first book, Embracing Hope During Infertility is intended to infuse hope into your heart! My second book, although written for children, will point you toward the goodness of God, even in the darkest times.

You can learn more about me here. I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. I’m also on Instagram and Twitter as @lovethatbetsy.Thanks so much for reading this post!