Let me preface Stephanie’s guest post by telling you that my pocket is full of tear-soaked tissues, because I wept when I read her words this morning. One of the hardest things about the infertility community is knowing that there are happily married couples who love God and desire to have children. Many have been hoping and trying for years, even decades, and some have experienced miscarriage or failed adoptions.

In recent months, I’ve communicated with several women in their mid-to-late forties who realize that their bodies will probably never bear children, and nobody will call them Mommy. My heart aches for these women; yet I’ve had the opportunity to watch them grieve with grace and trust in a loving God. Recently I contacted Stephanie, whose posts I have been following in an online support group, as she grieved the possibility that she’d never be a mother. I gave her an open invitation to share her perspective on this blog, and in the wake of dashed hopes, she is sharing her heart today. My request is that you do not offer her advice, but instead you pray for her and learn from her.

Last night as I lay here in my husband’s arms, we held each other and cried together after reading the results of the pregnancy test that I desperately did not want to take. I did not want to face the reality that we would never have babies, never be biological parents, never be biological grandma and grandpa, and experience all the things that go along with that. I cried myself to sleep as he lay in my arms with a broken heart. We fell asleep and then woke up to reality. Yes, reality.

Reality that the test was negative – but do you know what reality is? Reality is that my hope, joy, and happiness doesn’t come from my circumstances – they comes from my Heavenly Father. Reality is that my Heavenly Father loves me and sometimes the blessings He chooses not to give us are sometimes blessings in disguise, as hard as that is to understand. Reality is that I have to trust that in His infinite wisdom He chose not to give us babies because He loves us and knows what’s best for us. Yes, even when I think I need babies, grandbabies and all that comes along with it, He doesn’t.

But you know what He did choose to give me? He gave me Himself when I realized I was in need of Him 27 years ago. He gave me salvation and a relationship with Him for all eternity – something I couldn’t live without.

And that’s not all He gave me: He gave me a good, loving, sweet, caring, kind, compassionate and precious man who loves me for who I am, who loves me through this – but not just this, through all of life. A man that does whatever it takes to take care of me, who treasures and cherishes me with all of his heart, who would walk to the ends of this earth for me.

He blessed us with a strong marriage through these 27 years, one that has stood the test of time, the trials and the struggles of life. He also gave me family and friends that love and care about me. He gave me so many other blessings that I can only begin to count, and all of that in reality is truly all I need.

So as I grieve the loss of something that will never be, I’m going to praise Him in this storm and thank Him for His infinite wisdom to know what’s best for me in light of eternity. I’m going to anchor myself in Christ because He is my rock, my hope and my firm foundation.

After 27 years of infertility I still long to be a mommy, but that’s only because God chose not to take that desire away. This only strengthens my resolve to be the best woman I can be for the glory of God. The pain is still crushing at times but it no longer defines me because I have learned that my joy and happiness don’t come from my circumstances but from God. I am defined by my relationship with my Heavenly Father who embraces and gives new life to me. I’m going to trust Him to make something good out of the heartache of my grief and struggle, and trust that through my struggle and pain God has a greater purpose. He is working all things for my good and His glory.

Yes, in reality, I am truly going to be ok and you know what, so are you. I’ve been listening to this song:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjF9IqvXDjY&feature=youtu.be

Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Romans 8:28-29 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He did foreknow, He also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren.”

2 Corinthians 4:15-18 “For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God. For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

That I might know Him in my suffering, I will live by faith and not by sight. Though He slay me, yet I will praise Him and I will trust Him, I will bless His Holy name! Amen!!!

Even when tragedy befalls you, have faith and worship the King of kings and Lord of lords. I promise you, God knows what He’s doing. He will work all things for our good and His glory, so have faith and trust Him. Let your faith overtake that fear that has a grip on your heart. Faith will provide the assurance that what you are trusting God for will come. Faith is trust and without it you cannot please God.

Job 1:20-21 “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground and worshipped, and said, naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job 13:15 “Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him.”

Hebrews 11:6 “But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.”

All for His glory,
Stephanie Keener

More stories I’ve shared after reading a touching social media post:

Anna’s story 

Sarah’s story