Do you know someone who recently had a miscarriage or stillbirth? Are you wondering how to show that you care?

First of all, mail a card. Seeing a handwritten note in the mailbox will brighten your friend’s day. Your words can encourage her heart.

Do you want to send a gift? Until recently, I didn’t have any idea what to give a friend after a loss. I have mailed cards, and I gave a devotional book to a friend one time. But typically, I did not know what to do.

Then our baby was stillborn at 34 weeks, just before Christmas, so close to his anticipated due date. God carried us through with His presence as with His people. We were truly blessed by people who provided meals. I personally felt loved as cards and packages arrived in the mail and surprises were left at my doorstep. (Gifts are one of my love languages.)

Here are some gift ideas I recommend for someone who has just experienced a miscarriage or stillbirth:

Pampering products: After a woman’s body and emotions have gone through the most difficult week, items such as lotion, essential oils, bath products, scented candles, calming tea, chocolate, and hand held massagers are helpful. (My body ached and I struggled to sleep following our delivery. Gifts of lavender scented lotion and calming essential oils helped!) You could also give a gift certificate for a massage, facial, or pedicure.

Books: Friends and family know that I love books, and I received a steady stream of books in the mail (I’ll share specific ideas in another post). Even though I didn’t have a lot of mental energy to read as much as usual in those first few weeks, I know that this stack of books will minister to me and entertain me for a long time. (You don’t have to only give serious/spiritual books – your friend might also benefit from some light, easy fiction to take her mind off of her own situation.) Oh yes – I will recommend a book I published two weeks before my unexpected loss. I had been pondering it as I edited for months – and Beauty in Barren Places: Seeing God’s Goodness Here and Now has certainly ministered to me after our son died.

Jewelry and Artwork: Etsy and various ministries offer jewelry and artwork designed for grieving families. Search for “miscarriage gift” or “stillbirth gift.”

Handmade gifts: You could make a card, send a cozy blanket or scarf (depending on the weather), or send handmade ornaments or paintings.

Music: A friend sent me an electronic playlist of songs that had comforted her after her daughter was stillborn. Others have recommended a specific song.

Flowers: We have received some bouquets, and each one is meaningful and beautiful. One friend sent orchids so that would continue to live and bloom. (This same friend gave me orchids years ago, and they did not thrive!) So far, more than a month has gone by, and these flowers are still beautiful. Another friend thoughtfully ordered flowers to arrive exactly one month after our stillbirth.

Wind Chimes: I never would have thought of this, but one day I was delighted to open a package and find beautiful wind chimes, engraved with our son’s name. They’re so beautiful that I have them hanging inside our home for now so that they aren’t damaged by the weather.

Tea or Chocolate: You could send your friend a new mug with their favorite comforting hot beverage (tea bags or hot chocolate mix, for example). If you know her favorite candy or chocolate, that might hit the spot as well.

Food: You can offer to organize a meal train, prepare a home-cooked meal, or order a meal through a delivery service. We were incredibly grateful for the meals provided for our family in the weeks following our loss. We didn’t have to go to the grocery store, plan meals, or cook right away. I wouldn’t have thought to do this, but I greatly appreciated the “extras” that people brought along with dinner. A couple of people brought us extra breakfast foods, as well as fresh fruit and my favorite sparkling water.

Gifts of Service: My own experience with loss happened during the pandemic when we were being very cautious about having guests in our home. However, for many people, a gift of your presence or your service can meet physical, practical, and emotional needs. Are you able to go sit with your friend – if they want it? Do they have other children you can babysit as the parents recover? Can you help do their dishes or clean their house? (My parents stayed with us for a week after our baby passed away, and having their company and their help was just what we needed.)

What else would you recommend? What has been helpful to you? Leave a comment and let us know!

Floral Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash