Like I said in my review of In Due Time earlier this week, even if my point of view and choices are different from another woman’s, if she also struggles to become a mama, I immediately feel a connection. Like this:

image found on Pinterest

I wrestled with picking up Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Define Your Own Happy Ending by Justine Brooks Froelker, having read several of the author’s blog posts about childfree living. As a woman whose greatest longing is to have kids one day, I had a hard time imagining being okay with childfree living.

However as I read , I discovered that we have a lot in common. We’re about the same age, we’re in committed marriages, and one of our greatest dreams is to have children. Due to medical conditions, Justine knew that it would be very unlikely that she could carry a pregnancy, so she and her husband decided to pursue IVF using a surrogate. You can read her full story in the book, but I will tell you that they decided to stop IVF after two miscarriages. (I personally agree with her statement in this book that we need to “stop shaming people into round after round of dangerous hormones and medical procedures and tens of thousands of dollars.” Although IVF can be right for some people, I would encourage any woman to think long and hard about the financial cost and the way it affects a woman’s body before jumping right in thinking that it’s the only option.)

This book not only tells Justine’s story surrounding her medical challenges and years of trying to conceive, she also shares a lot of suggestions of how to live a full life without children. One thing that she and her husband have chosen to do is intentionally love the children in their lives – specifically by spending quality time with the children of their close friends. I have also found this to be so fulfilling – when I love my friends’ kids, my nieces and nephews, and the children that I nanny, it helps to fill that void of childlessness.

Another practical suggestion that I liked is Justine’s idea of starting the day with uplifting music. The author has a playlist of pop music that she can dance to (for me it’s an upbeat worship station on Pandora as I commute to work). She writes: “I’ve also found that it helps quite a bit to sing at the top of my lungs, whether in the shower, while getting ready or on the way into the office. Belting it out, for me, makes the happiness level soar.” Singing uplifting songs as loud as you can will surely set a good tone for your day!

Ultimately I finished this book thinking that I do not agree with all of the author’s methods or choices (and I do not care for her frequent use of foul language), however she helped me to see another perspective on infertility.

Although Justine has come to terms with living a childfree life and I am planning to keep trying to have a baby for as long as it takes, I am grateful that she has chosen to be a voice in the infertility community. It’s important for those who feel compelled to share their stories, so that other women know that we are not alone.

For more suggested memoirs dealing with infertility, check out my Infertility Books posts.

Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008. We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot, eating at our favorite Italian restaurants, and doing life as a team.

I published my first book Embracing Hope During Infertility in January 2015. You can learn more about me here. I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page.

Thanks so much for reading my posts!