Many years ago, in my early twenties, I moved into my first apartment all alone. It was an unusual apartment – an old garage turned into living quarters. It had one huge bedroom, a windowless living room, a spacious kitchen, and two full bathrooms. When my roommate moved in several months later, we were glad to each have our own bathroom space even though we shared one huge bedroom!

On the bedroom wall, next to my bathroom, was a cutesy bulletin board. (In those days before Pinterest, we actually cut cute things out of magazines and pinned them to a corkboard.) My board contained inspirational words, pretty pictures, and a magazine clipping of a wedding and engagement ring set that I loved. In my early twenties, I was always the bridesmaid and nowhere close to being a bride, and those rings represented what I hoped for: marriage.

One day, during those young single years, while shopping at a Victoria’s Secret sale, I bought some undies for myself, a nightie to give a friend at her bridal shower, and while I was at it, a piece of lingerie to tuck away for my own future married life. For more than five years, that lingerie sat wrapped up in tissue paper in my closet, waiting for my husband. And that picture of wedding and engagement rings stared back at me from my bulletin board.

After some time, and maybe during a move to another apartment (there were two more before I married), I tucked the picture of those rings away. Part of the reason for putting them out of sight was that as the years went by, I felt like I shouldn’t put too much focus on my dream wedding when I had no special man in my life. Yet even when those items that represented marriage were tucked away, I held onto hope that one day I would meet and marry my husband. And I kept that picture of the wedding rings and the nightie tucked deep in my closet.

Now that we’ve been married for seven years, and trying to conceive for the majority of that time, I have a new collage of hope to look at: a stash of baby items. Actually, we own a lot of baby stuff – things that have been passed on to us by family and friends, a handful of hope-filled gifts, and a few items I’ve bought along the way. In our bedroom hangs a display of baby girl and baby boy items, reminding us of what we hope and pray for.

Some women who are trying to have a baby find it too painful to even look at baby things. Other women are in a place emotionally and spiritually where they can set up entire nurseries to await a baby-to-be. I’ve personally found that with age and maturity, I’m now in a place of having faith and hope without allowing it to prick me with disappointment every time I see these items that represent what I long for.

Last summer, while visiting my parents’ house, Mike and I pulled our future baby’s cradle out of the attic. Friends had given it to us about five years ago, and Mike teased me by saying, “Now you’re ready to pull it out after all these years?”

Yes… yes… I am.

Because my personal journey of starting a family has taken me on quite an adventure – sometimes lonely – way more difficult than I dreamed – sometimes full of encouragement from others. I continue to walk forward, looking at our array of baby items, trusting that God does know what He’s doing.

As for that picture of engagement rings? I found it after Mike had proposed to me. We did go engagement ring shopping together so I could show him the general style that I liked, then he went back to the jeweler on his own to pick out a ring. And you know what? The ring that Mike selected was incredibly similar to that ring that had represented hope to me many years before. The God who loves me more than I can understand is the God of the details – and He orchestrated things so that I could wear my dream engagement ring for the rest of my life.

God faithfully answered my prayer for marriage. Can I trust him with my hopes of motherhood?

Here’s to a new year, and here’s to HOPE in God!

Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008. We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot, eating at our favorite Italian restaurants, and doing life as a team. I published my first book Embracing Hope During Infertility in January 2015. You can learn more about me here. I invite you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. Thanks so much for reading my posts!