Christmastime brings festivities, tradition, and so many memories of years past. One thing I love about Christmas in America is the fact that it’s a time of celebration and tradition. However, when you’re missing someone who has died, or you’re missing someone who is yet to come, it’s really tough. I am thankful to have not yet experienced the death of a parent, sibling, spouse, or close friend. When we visit family at Christmas, they’re all there (except for those who very live far away – and we miss them). Today I’m reflecting on the past 10+ Christmases, when sadness and grief lurked close by.

For many years, I’ve missed someone at Christmas – someone who was yet-to-be in my life. I remember returning to work after a visit with family at Christmas in 2007, tears of sadness falling, because I wanted to be married. I wanted that special someone to share Christmas with – to share my life with. I had no way of knowing that I’d go on my first date with the man I’d marry just a week after those tears fell.

Christmas in 2008 was a good one – we were newlyweds, so I wasn’t grieving my lack of children yet. However, it was the first day I was away from my parents and siblings on Christmas morning, and I missed them! The following year, although we weren’t yet trying to start our family, my heart was ready, and I remember the tears that fell upon hearing baby announcements that week.

2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016 were clouded with sorrow as we longed to be parents, were actively trying to have a baby, and it wasn’t happening. While celebrating Christmas, we also navigated medical options, considered adoption, and cried when others announced babies on the way. I associate these Christmases with sadness – something many people facing infertility feel during the holidays.

As our lives have shifted into a new season, I remember and acknowledge the tears of those who grieve this week. I understand. May you draw close to the One whose birth we celebrate, may you remember that this God-became-man, Jesus, was childless, and He knows all of our sorrows. He holds our tears in His bottle. Keep turning to Him in your sadness, and I continue to ask Him to answer your prayers for children.

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Hi, I’m Betsy, and I live in the Washington, D.C. area with my husband, Mike. We have been married since 2008, and look forward to the arrival of our first baby in 2018! We enjoy exploring new cities together on foot and doing life as a team.

I write because I feel called and I enjoy it, and I hope that my words point you toward God! My first book, Embracing Hope During Infertility is intended to infuse hope into your heart! My second book, although written for children, will point you toward the goodness of God, even in the darkest times.

You can learn more about me here. I would love for you to connect with me by following my Hope During Infertility Facebook page or my Betsy Herman, Writer Facebook page. I’m also on Instagram and Twitter as @lovethatbetsy.Thanks so much for reading this post!