If you know someone going through infertility, would you take 5 minutes to read this? If you personally are struggling to conceive or experiencing miscarriages, would you let me know what you would add to this list?

1) Listen, Love, and Pray for her. Okay, I suppose that’s three suggestions wrapped into one, but they all go together. I attended a prayer-focused conference where those three steps were recommended to us when praying for someone else. Don’t give advice. Simply listen, love, and pray. This means don’t offer unsolicited advice. If your friend wants advice, she’ll ask.

2) Invite her. Lysa TerKeurst recently published a book called Uninvited. I haven’t finished reading it yet, but I’ve heard that it’s a good book, applicable to women, because most of us often feel uninvited or left out. For most of my adult life I’ve struggled to feel welcomed by young families, and I’ve heard others struggling with infertility say the same thing. We want to be invited to just hang out with you for girl time. We also want to be invited to baby showers, even though we want you to extend grace if we say no, because it might hurt too much. (It’s been a long time since I’ve been invited to a baby shower in my town!) We want to be included in kid-centric events even though we don’t have kids of our own. Maybe it’s easier for young families to hang out with those who also have kids, but we want to be invited too.

3) Feed her. Well, that seems kind of funny to say, but ESPECIALLY if your friend experiences a miscarriage or if she has surgery or a traumatic gynecological test during fertility treatment – if you’re aware that she’s going through any of these things, offer to bring a meal, or give her a gift card for a coffee shop, ice cream, or her favorite comfort food. (BTW, this is something I struggle to do myself!)

4) Give her a gift. Some people are more sensitive than others, so use wisdom as you give. Your friend who is aching because of an empty womb might just be blessed by a bouquet of flowers, or that piece of jewelry you saw on Etsy. She might be encouraged by that book you read, and if you know her well enough, she might be delighted by that baby gift as a step of faith for her baby yet-to-be. Remember that your friend is probably feeling more emotional than you know, so use discretion. But the fact is, women usually like to receive gifts!

5) Shower her with grace. If you’ve never experienced infertility or walked closely alongside someone who has, you probably will not understand the emotions, the grief, or how hard it is. I’ve never experienced cancer first hand, but I can’t imagine the pain. I have read that the emotional impact of infertility is similar to that of cancer: both are devastating. If you have a friend going through infertility and you don’t get it, that’s okay, just tell yourself that you don’t understand her pain, and give her grace.